(Totally random, but after checking the word count for this post (549) I realized that this would roughly be the length of an essay I would have to write in school, back when I was 11-13. I wrote it so quickly!)

In which I say the word ‘Indian’ a lot!

Yesterday I went to an Indian grocer to get something and the guy asked me a question in Hindi, probably trying to make small talk. I felt like an idiot because even though I am half Indian I don’t know a single word of any Indian dialect (I knew it was Hindi because my Mum and her sisters/brother often chat in Hindi so I learned to understand tiny bits of it, but anyway).

It is so pathetic. I would love to know more/have more pride in my culture, but I don’t! It’s not like my parents tell me to learn about India or England or whatever, but I feel as though I should know more about them because they are both awesome places. I don’t think they’d give a damn either way. This is especially true for my Dad because he jokes that I don’t need to try and learn about England since Australia’s practically a carbon copy of it, “Seeing as our national day is a celebration of Britain killing the language and culture of Indigenous Australians,”. Ha, ha. I guess that remark seems quite scathing, but it’s the way he says it…!

I’ve always felt more ‘guilt’ (I don’t think that’s the right word, but I couldn’t think of the right one) that I don’t know much about India because when people look at me they don’t think “Oh, random Anglo-Indian girl” but instead “Oh, random Indian girl”. It doesn’t offend me, because I look about as English as a Sari, but I would really love to know if people treated me differently if they knew I wasn’t all Indian upon meeting me (Which will never happen, but according to my best friend if I went to India everyone would know I wasn’t all Indian because of my nose and my skin tone: I have a distinctly ‘un-Indian’ nose and pretty pale skin for an Indian person (LOL, I thought of putting ‘In-Indian’ but it would just seem like you were in an Indian person. Which is another horrible though entirely.)).

Like this one time someone asked me for directions but he ‘checked’ if I could speak English before asking. Also, when I first met my best friend she wouldn’t shut up to me about the Indian cricket team, as she assumed that being a fellow Indian meant I was nuts about cricket (I find it really boring).

Another thought: I think I only care so much about being ignorant about my Indian heritage is because everyone expects me not to be. That said, I am sure I know more about India than the average non-Indian person… Which isn’t saying much. I don’t worry about knowing anything about England seeing as no one expects me to be particularly knowledgeable about it because of what I stated earlier.

Also: This whole thing doesn’t upset me or anything, just interests me. I’ve become immune to all racial insults directed at my Indian heritage, anyway! I think I’ve heard them all. Haha.

Sometimes I have extremely vivid images in my head of myself and other people in the room somehow being killed with the mundane objects around me: Shrink wrap, knife sharpeners, tissues. It makes me chuckle or smile to myself at times.

Weird.

The idea of having children is utterly repellent to me but, if I were to ever have children, I think one of the things I would enjoy the most and be good at would be instilling moral values and educating them about things that parents usually have a responsibility for. Like The Sex Talk and other embarrassing things.

Also, if I were to have a girl, I would love getting her well aquainted with feminism… Actually, come to think of it, I would do the same if I had a boy. I guess I would be more enthusiastic about educating my child on the awesomeness of feminism if I had a girl? I don’t know!

You know, I’d have a huge crush on the lead singer of Placebo if she wasn’t so manly looking.

Oh, wait.

I had a dream that I was trying to catch a bee and our dog was urging me on. “Run faster, Melinda! You can catch that bee. Go, go, go…!” I never actually caught the bee, and we got into an argument about how I can’t run fast and I told him that he wouldn’t be able to catch that damn bee either, so who was he to talk.

Yesterday I bought Influence! When I first heard about it I brushed it off because I was never interested in the Olsen twins at all. But this book is hardly about them, and the people they conducted interviews with are people I like and find inspiring such as Peter Beard, Bob Colacello, Terry Richardson and Karl Lagerfeld. I kind of think Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are adorable now. Also, the book itself is quite beautiful. The way it’s put on the page, the polaroids, the typography etc. So, I was pleasantly surprised. I am happy I bought it.

I have an inkling of an idea about moving my blog to WordPress.com. I suppose when I first started back in ‘05 I was really concerned about getting traffic and all that, and I don’t care as much now. For the most part I just like to read blogs I like and write about my life and stuff all the rest. I wish I cared more about the amount of comments etc. I get, but I don’t. I have no idea how many people visit my blog because I don’t have a hit counter or anything like that, but I used to. So, I might do that. Sometime. When I can be bothered…!

This will most likely be my last post for the year so… Have a merry Christmas and a happy new year!